summer
although i am DELIRIOUSLY excited about the advent of summer, i have just realized that my goals for the summer of absorbing books and music will be all too easily achieved… even though i will be spending manyy of my days playing tennis 10-5 (ughhh) and hanging out with my friends you always have to come home… and i can’t help but reflect upon last summer, when i was so horribly dissatisfied with everything, and the nights i spent in my room just laying and listening to music and being miserable. booooohoooo. it’s so difficult for me to be by myself anymore. i’ve become really accustomed to having people around at all times basically, and when that is stripped away i always become disgustingly cynical and am definitely prone to bouts of depression.
my mom is a crazy psycho mom. BITCHES BE CRAZAYYY. all asian moms are crazy, but like i seriously do believe it isn’t implausible at all that she has bipolar disorder. she has very happy months and then angry, depressed months where she just screams and cries all the time. and that’s kinda one of my biggest fears!! i am very unlike her in nearly all facets buuut in this i feel like i may be somewhat alike. not bipolar but DOOMED… DOOMED I SAY to being depressed all my life. not all but often…. you know what i mean
this felt horribly self-absored. i’ve grown unfamiliar with talking about myself/thinking about myself… not sure if it’s something i should reacquaint myself with
anyways i should focus on the positives of summer!! i will next rant :D
